What it takes to end a life

I dunno…maybe it all begins with purpose. Or lack thereof.
Like, you no longer know what you’re doing. Everything just seems to fade before you.
Bodily movements become robotic. Uncontrolled
You’re zoning out
“what is life?” becomes your motto because what is it, really?
No one has the answer to that.
No one.
Because the definition of life or what it means to live is subjective.
It’s different for each of us
I think about this relentlessly
Every night
Every morning
I think about why we feel alone
Why loneliness is so crippling
I think about why even with company, I feel apart
Distant almost
As if there’s no connection
Why is it like this?
I wonder
But alas, there’s never an answer
Somethings I think, will never have an answer
No matter how many times we ask
We’re just not meant to know
But if there is a knowing, who has the answer?
Being smart is trivial
I feel like, once you’re labeled “a genius” you then become property
You’re used by those who only seek to benefit off of you
You’re told what you should do and all the things you’re capable of because of your advanced intellect
You’re essentially a trophy
An investment
I’m not smart or a genius or anything along those lines and t be honest, I don’t think I’d want to be
I don’t want to be milked for opportunities, ya know
I guess I’m getting off topic now
Then again, I didn’t really state that there was a specific topic being discussed
It gets like that sometimes
I go off on a tangent and completely lose the point I was trying to make
Sad life
Maybe I just have too much on my mind
Not maybe, it’s a fact
At night, when things get too overwhelming
I roll over in bed and embrace a lover that isn’t there
I trace the wrinkles in the sheets
Wrinkles that I made the night before when I realized how bare and cold the other side of the bed was
It didn’t do much but it made it warm
That’s all we crave
An embrace
A touch
To rid ourselves of the frigid winter that is life
But sometimes, we’re not enough to warm up a bed
We’re not enough to soothe the chaos of our minds
We’re not enough to fight the loneliness that has consumed us
And thus we fall
Into a darkness that shields us from the world
The world that we no longer feel a part of
Alone again


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Richard Brittain says:

    Thanks for sharing this with us, Jade. You are never truly alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jade says:

      Yeah, I try to remember that


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