Longing for Freedom

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Who decided that this was the way to live? That we must all follow this one plan and have this one goal in life? Yes, education is major. Yes, we must all be educated but why is this agenda of going to college so brutally enforced? Why do we shun people for not going to college? Why must we all be blinded by this vision of wealth? Why are people so…mean?

I’ve never understood why people felt so..insulted by the way someone chose to live their lives. Why their decisions and aspirations seem so revolting to others.

Why are things the way they are? Why if you’re not contributing to the status quo, you’re basically ostracized.

The state of our current affairs is abysmal. We live in a world where you are judged.

You are judged.

You are judged.

Nonstop.

Forever.

Always.

For everything that you do. From what you wear, certain body modifications and your decisions about how you want to live your life. A few days ago, I told my mother that I was going to get two additional piercings and she completely lost it. She began asking where she went wrong and if God was punishing her for something she did. I stood there dumbfound as she went on and on. How did wanting another piercing have any reflection on her as a parent? How is she being punished just because I decided I wanted more piercings? I never understood this, why parents felt this way.

I know at this point, I’m becoming repetitive but I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.

When I decided to drop out of school, I got nonstop criticism from my family.

“You’re throwing your life away.”  – I’m only 20 years old, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.

“You’re nothing without a degree.”- When did a piece of paper determine someone’s value?

“No one will respect a dropout.”- If someone is going to base my integrity on my lack of higher education, I don’t think I even want their respect, nor will I offer them mine.

“A degree brings you respect.”- Once again, a piece of paper does not measure your worth.

This is what I was told nonstop for several months. Nevermind my reason for dropping out. Nevermind that my mental state at the time wasn’t the best. No. Having a degree was more important than being stable.

I decided to get a job right after and hopefully figure out what I planned to do since college was no longer in the picture. At first, I did have a plan; I was going to go back to school once I was financially stable.

But why? Why did it always have to come back to that? Why did I want to go back to school and put myself through more mental and emotional stress? To please my family? To prove to others that I wasn’t this worthless, ignorant 20 year-old? I actually had my shit together?

Months passed by and things stayed the same. That’s when I realized that what I thought I need, wasn’t what was right for me.

What I want is freedom. Freedom from the negativity that surrounds me. Freedom from this system obsessed with wealth and possession. Freedom from people constantly trying to tell me how to live my life.

Freedom of choice. Freedom of self-expression. That’s what I want

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