Believe you me when I say I’ve no motivation
No hope, no dreams for this life I’m living
They say you need to try in order to succeed
I guess I never got the concept of how to be
Your own motivation
Your own reason to believe
Because never have I been so hurt by anyone other than me
And it’s kind of sad, you know, cause who else is going to give you that extra push if it isn’t you? And I understand that- I preach it every day but when it comes to applying that logic to myself, I look the other way.
I hate myself, it’s true.
But not for reasons that you’d think. I believe I’ve grown to accept my appearance but when it comes to who I am- as a whole, I can’t stand myself. Like, how can I be so stupid sometimes? It’s like I never learn. I always make the same mistakes. Always write about the same things and there’s never a change.
Where is my growth? Where is my epiphany?
When the fuck will I realize who I’m supposed to be?
Like, people constantly say that it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to still be lost but not for me.
I need to know! My anxiety won’t allow for mystery.